I want to audition better

I'm a good flutist. Actually, I'm going to go farther and say that I'm a pretty damn GREAT flutist. However, auditions have always been an issue for me. It's totally different than performing. When I perform I usually start out a little nervous, but a minute or two later I calm down and settle into it. In auditions, though, I don't. Like, today, for example. I didn't play badly by any sense of the word. I only played about 85% of my potential though. Now, for me 85% is still pretty good, especially in comparison to a lot of other flutists in the world. However, when I'm at 100% I am amazing. I want to feel that when I audition, especially because that extra 15% is what will set me apart and win me a job.

After playing (my opinion of) badly in the concerto competition audition last year due to performance anxiety I very very seriously have considered that it might be time to try beta blockers. However, in my online search I found that the herb Kava has been proven to reduce anxiety naturally. I now drink a lot of Kava tea on the day of an audition. I definitely feel a LITTLE more relaxed after Kava tea, but it's not the end all result I have hoped for. I really think it is time to resort to beta blockers. After all, most musicians on the audition circuit rely on them for high pressure situations (like major auditions). Any edge I can get the better.

You know, I was feeling a little crappy about my audition before, but I don't think so anymore...
I mean, my Bach was technically perfect, and I think my musicality was pretty good. Chant de Linos has a little mistake though....I messed up the last big run on the first page and it's pretty obvious cause it was the high note and it sounded weird I'm sure.... but I just kept going like a pro and played all those many fast hard notes afterward just fine. The only thing that distressed me is that this new girl that went before me got to play a LOT and I only played literally a page and a half. I guess that's ok though. We'll see I guess. Dr. Lamneck was praising my piccolo playing - kinda funny considering I didn't play any piccolo today, haha. Hopefully I'll get to play either principal flute or piccolo for one of the concerts this semester.